Comments on: Chapter 11

By: Donna Sirianni

Donna Sirianni — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 19:49:01 +0000

At first I wanted to slap Eliasha in her chapter. I still kind of do, actually but she seems to be leveling out to be a rather ncie person. I hope it stays that way.

With Liseli, there are times when I feel sorry for her but then she does something that I go, 'Yup. You're a bitch. No pity from me.' She's gotta loosen up and I hope that's coming.

With Russ, he needs a set. it was getting a little wary to see him moping constantly but it seems he's budding, however little that may be. I hope he grows as the story goes on. It's all very intriguing.

By: Eldoran

Eldoran — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:27:39 +0000

I know. Ironically typos like this usually happen to me when I rephrase a sentence several times, because they didn’t convey the meaning I had intended to.

By: Sarah Suleski

Sarah Suleski — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 23:10:29 +0000

The second “not” was a typo. I try to stomp on them like bugs, but some scurry away. . . . ;)

By: Eldoran

Eldoran — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 21:52:14 +0000

And that this King had been alive nearly a hundred years ago, and had somehow closed off the “gates” to other worlds so no more otherworlders could not get in

The two negations and "and"s feel somewhat cumbersome, maybe that wasn't intended this way.

I like the story so far. So many open story threads.

By: The Cloaked Stranger

The Cloaked Stranger — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:14:17 +0000

Oops, I missed the part of the tradition that the gift had to be given on Aysha’s day, thanks.

By: irhinoceri

irhinoceri — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 02:27:04 +0000

She didn't give to him officially, on Aysha's Day, as the tradition goes, just sort of slipped it under the table to him the night before. So she wouldn't view the symbolisim as applying to her.

Also, she has her reasons for wanting Liseli to wear the necklace . . . but that's for another chapter.

By: The Cloaked Stranger

The Cloaked Stranger — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 23:59:28 +0000

One in the same = one and the same

A lot of interesting banter between family members here, looks like a lot of history and tension. I'm thinking Halla lost someone she couldn't heal, and Currun is being mean about it.

Since Eliasha gave Russ the amulet, does that mean she loves him? I mean, it's a gift either way, right?