Comments on: Part 12

By: Vercin

Vercin — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 02:04:30 +0000

I disagree. The last paragraph tied the chapter up nicely—it seemed appropriate and primed me for more. Thank goodness I can click the link instead of having to wait for . . . uhm . . . how do I reference -our- Muse without confusion? Yeah, for her to visit Sarah.

By: Chris Poirier

Chris Poirier — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 02:32:21 +0000

Muse shook her head. She knew that Joy and Wisdom had known the former Muse, but they had not spoken of her; knowing, perhaps, how uncomfortable it made Muse feel. But the tone of Joy’s voice made her curious, now, and she waited expectantly for more.

Good chapter, over all. But this last paragraph does seem rather redundant. I think you could probably cut it.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 02:22:30 +0000

I made “I love television” the blurb for this Part, incidentally.

By: Chris Poirier

Chris Poirier — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 02:15:07 +0000

I love television. [ . . . ] But I was able to sit there for hours, not falling asleep enough to cross over, but in a state so close to oblivion that now I almost feel completely rested.

LOL. Very nice.

By: Sarah Suleski

Sarah Suleski — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:02:55 +0000

Danke — for the typo catch and the encouraging words.

By: Ty

Ty — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 07:32:21 +0000

“Ours if not an easy existence.”
/spots a typo.
Loving this story Sarah Suleski, thank you again for publishing them where all may read and enjoy!

By: Nitschke

Nitschke — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 04:06:44 +0000

Thanks, much better.

By: Sarah Suleski

Sarah Suleski — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 03:42:42 +0000

I changed the first sentence. Hopefully it helps with getting bearings. Bearing getting. You know.

By: Mezzi

Mezzi — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 05:25:39 +0000

I got that feeling too. I had to go back and double check to make sure I didn’t miss anything.
If anything, I’d suggest rounding that off in a bit smoother manner.

By: Nitschke

Nitschke — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 03:43:00 +0000

I feel as if I'm being a bit dense, but the previous chapter ends with Muse arguing with Love, and then starts with her waking up in a glade with Dream — it seems a bit disjointed to me, I guess is what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry.

But other than that, good chapter. I like the view of Immortality you have. Bit more realistic than the norm.