Sweet Sixteen, Chapter 15 ~ Ten Feet Tall

“Hey, ’sup big bro?” Jake answered the phone.

“I don’t know, Jake, you tell me.”

There was silence on the other end.  Russ knew his tone was ominous enough to torment Jake’s guilty conscience if there was anything for him to feel guilty about.  He could usually get anything out of Jake, even if he didn’t really suspect anything, just by saying vague things in ominous tones.  If Jake was using drugs, or drinking excessively, or cheating on his girlfriend (all things he promised Russ he would not do) even a simple, “How’s it going?” could extract a confession when said just right.

He’d been behaving exceptionally well ever since the paternity case that spring.  This was the first time in a while Russ had needed to use “the tone.”

“I can explain,” Jake finally broke down.

“Explain what?” Russ said, with a touch of menace.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.  I know how you feel about Dad, and I didn’t plan it, it just happened—”

“You let my kids meet him didn’t you?” Russ cut him short.  “Or Hollie at least?  What the fuck, Jake?  Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”

“Just Hollie — she just came over one day all unexpected and what was I supposed to do?  Shove him in a closet?”

“You should have called me!  You should’ve told me what happened.  And you should have told me he was living with you in the first place, so I could make sure she was never allowed over there unexpected,” Russ steamed.  “Has he been hanging around every time she’s gone over there since you got back?  Please tell me you haven’t been letting him—”

“Letting him what?  Be a Grandfather?” Jake shot back, and Russ was surprised by this unexpected defiance.  Usually Jake knew enough to cave when he’d done wrong.

“Exactly.  He has no right to play ‘grandpa’ with my children, and you fucking know that.”

“But—”

“No buts.  It’s not your call, Jake.  Hollie’s my daughter and I said he’s not allowed to get his hooks in her.  You want to expose Ade to all his shit, that’s your business, but you way overstepped the line on this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.  And you can tell Dad—”

“No,” Jake interrupted flatly.

Russ stopped, shocked again.  “No?”

“You heard me.  You want to talk to Dad, talk to him, I’m not gonna be your go between,” Jake insisted, and he sounded just pissed off enough to stick to it.  “He’s the one you really want to scream at, anyway.”

“Fuck that, if he thinks this is a good excuse to make me see him, he’s got an—”

“For Christ’s sake Russ our father is dying, the least you can do is talk to him,” Jake said boldly.  “Did you know about that?  The doctors have given him about three months to live.”

“Yeah I heard,” Russ replied, with practiced unconcern.  “Big deal, everyone dies, doesn’t make him special.  Doesn’t mean he’s not an asshole anymore.  In fact all it means is that now Hollie’s gonna have to deal with her shiny new grandpa getting sick and dying — thanks a lot.  Thanks a whole fucking lot, Jake.  He gets to have his little ‘woe is me’ last hurrah and I’m left cleaning up after him again.”

“I can’t believe you’re still carrying that cross after all these years,” Jake said quietly.

“And I can’t believe how easily you let him off the hook!  You think by being the ‘good son’ it’s gonna turn back time and make him stick around when you were a kid?  Life doesn’t work that way.  He fucked everything up and you can’t fix it for him!”

Jake laughed incredulously.  “You think that’s what this is about?  Jesus, Russ it’s in the past.  It happened, he made mistakes and fucked things up but who hasn’t?  Besides you of course,” he added, flinging a note of bitterness across the wires to hit Russ like a slap.

He forced himself to say calmly; “I’m not perfect, but at least I try.”

“Pfft, you think you’re the world’s best husband and father and everyone knows it.  Good on you, bro, but the rest of us slobs gotta stick together, huh?  I just hope that when I’m old and dying Ade’ll forgive me my faults enough to give a shit.”

“It’s not that hard, Jacob.  If you love people you try to do right by them.”  Russ had said this to Jake a thousand times.

Jake’s voice rose a fews notes higher.  “He’s been trying to do right for years and you won’t let him!”

“It’s too late for that.  He can’t undo what he did.”

Jake made a noise like he was choking on his retort, too frustrated and upset to get the words out.  Finally he settled on, “You better come over here and talk to him yourself or I swear to God I’m gonna drive him over to your house.”

“Don’t bother,” Russ nearly snarled.  “I’ve changed my mind — he is definitely getting a visit from me.  But you warn him it’s not gonna be the happy reunion he’s hoping for.  I’m coming over to give him a piece of my fucking mind.  You tell him that.”

Jake let out a whoosh of air and said, “You know what, Russ, whatever.  Knock yourself out.  He’s willing to take it.”

“I don’t care if he is or not.  And tell him that I wouldn’t care if he was bleeding to death on the floor in front me.  Got that?”

“I think you need to calm down.”

“I am calm.  I’ll be over bright and early tomorrow morning.”

“You can come over now, he’s awake,” said Jake.  “Sometimes his meds make him groggy and usually mornings aren’t good—”

“Tomorrow afternoon then.  I’m not coming over now because Kyla’s got first dibs on him.”

“WHAT?”

Russ knew he was taking a little too much pleasure in saying, “Kyla’s on her way over to your house, she should be there any moment.”

“Shit.”

With that, Jake hung up.

Russ lowered the cordless phone and noticed for the first time that he was clenching it in a vise grip.  It was shaking . . . he was shaking.  He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and heard, “Daddy?” from behind.

He turned to see both Elly Ann and Marc standing in the doorway, Muttface hiding behind Marc but peering around his legs to give Russ an anxious look.  They all wore the same look, dog and children, like they didn’t know whether to be concerned or afraid.

“Everything’s fine,” he said, and knew it wasn’t very convincing.  He sat down and loosened his grip on the phone.  “Nothing’s wrong.”

Elly Ann bit her lip and leveled a look at him as if she were reading his mind.  He tried to smile.

“I’m calling Mom on her cell,” she said, and turned.

“Don’t do that,” he protested.  “Don’t—”

“I already called her,” Marc said quietly, fixing his gaze on the floor.  “Like halfway through your phone call.”

Russ let out a heavy sigh, and put the phone down to run his hands through his hair.  Be an adult, he told himself, conscious of his worried kids monitoring everything he did.  “You didn’t need to do that.  Really.”

Elly Ann came over and sat next to him on the couch.  Marc wandered over awkwardly to hover nearby and Russ felt Muttface nudge his leg.  He reached down to pat his dog reassuringly.

“We’re not little kids anymore,” said Elly Ann.  “It’s okay to be scared.”

“I’m not . . . .”  Russ forced himself to sit up straight and take a breath.  “I just lost my temper, I’m sorry you had to hear all that.”

Elly Ann hugged his arm, laying her head on his shoulder, and even though he really wanted to say he didn’t need a hug, he let her.  Marc sat down on the arm of the sofa, and while he wouldn’t get so sissy as hugging, he was clearly trying to be strong and supportive.  Russ didn’t bother to remind him that he wasn’t allowed out of his room.  It would just reinforce their worry that he was off his kilter and blinded by psychotic rage.

When Liseli walked in through the garage, she dropped her shopping bags and hurried over to him like she feared he needed resuscitation.  He didn’t know what Marc had said to her on the phone.  Hollie hovered behind her, as he tried to assure everyone, again, that he was alright.

“Am I grounded?” Hollie asked, clearly cutting to the most pressing issue.

“No sweetheart,” Liseli said quickly, as if she thought Russ might say otherwise.

“You’re not grounded,” he echoed.  Then, shaking his head tiredly; “No one’s grounded anymore.”

Liseli took Elly Ann’s place next to him and shooed the kids away with, “Guys can you go outside for a bit?”

“Okay,” Marc agreed, sniffing the outdoors again for the first time in several days.  He took Hollie by the hand and led her out the french doors onto the patio, and Elly Ann dragged her feet after them, casting glances back over her shoulder.

Once the door was shut, Liseli gave him a critical look, and asked, “Russ what’s going on?”

“What did Marc tell you?”

“That you were screaming at your brother, something about your dad and Hollie and . . . .”  She trailed off expectantly when he shook his head.

“I wasn’t screaming,” he denied, then told her in very measured tones about how Kyla had come over and revealed that his father was living with Jake, and Jake then admitted to going against his express wishes and letting Hollie associate with her grandfather.

Liseli was silent, and just stared at him in that unsettling, pensive manner that meant a contrary opinion was forthcoming.  She pursed her lips slightly, then ventured, “Do you think it’s a good idea to go see your dad tomorrow?  I mean, you might want to cool down a bit.”

“Liseli, really, I’m fine, Marc was exaggerating.”

“Russ—” she took his hand and held it tightly “—I once watched you beat a man within an inch of his life.  I know what kind of a temper you have.  You don’t lose it often, but when you do, you make people run screaming.  Okay?  If you run over there all hot and bothered . . . I worry that you’ll regret what you do.”

He smiled.  “I’m not going to beat up Jake, or an old dying man.”

“Not physically, no.  But . . . .”

He shook his head.  “I’m not going over there till tomorrow.  Gives me plenty of time to think about things, cool down if I need to.  But if I put it off any longer, I’ll never do it.”

“Why?”

He shrugged, and admitted, “I’ll chicken out.”

She nodded, slowly.  “Just try . . . try not to be . . . .”  She stopped, unable to say what she wanted, and he eyed her suspiciously.  It wasn’t like Liseli to hold back her opinions.

“Please tell me you don’t agree with Jake,” he said.  Then, horrified, “Please tell me you didn’t know about this, or help them—”

“Of course not,” she said firmly, looking him in the eye, and he had to trust her.  “I mean, I didn’t go behind your back and I didn’t know Hollie was seeing your father when she was over there . . . .”

“So you do agree with Jake.”  He pulled his hand away, and she sighed.

“I don’t . . . agree with Jake.  I mean, usually.  I just think that this whole ‘thing’ about your dad is harder on you than it could be if you just . . . let go of some of your anger.”

“Maybe I’ll do just that,” he said grimly.  “Tomorrow.”

“Don’t,” she pleaded, reading the threat in his tone.  Then she added, “Let me come with you.”

“No.  I have to see him by myself.”  He stood up.  “It’s just one of those things.”

“Russ you always accuse me of keeping my problems to myself and refusing help.  Now don’t you think you’re being a little hypocritical?”  She cocked her head to the side, giving him an exasperated frown as she looked up at him.

He shrugged.  “Probably.  I’m sorry.”

He went downstairs to his music room in the basement then, to be alone with his guitar.  It was the only way he could really think about things and make sense of them.

Everyone thought he was being unreasonable at best and downright insane at worst.  But they didn’t understand.  None of them had sat on that bus.